Excitedly I have reached today. Many months planning and anticipating our mini vacation this weekend. I also finally got some sleep last night. I ended up working a couple 11 hour days this week and have been working on 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night. I worked the extra hours so I could leave early today. I’m working until 11:30am today, then playing basketball at work, then it’s off to Ole Mexico. This weekend marks the beginning of non-stop events basically until September. Next weekend Mary is here for a week. The week after that Tracey leaves for Ohio and a few days after that I leave for Lar’s wedding. I guess I have a few idle weeks in the beginning of July, although I am seeing Rush July 7. We have several “offers” of different people wanting to visit towards the middle/end of July, we’ll see who actually buys a ticket. In August we’ve got some family visits on Tracey’s side, which will be super fun. And in between all that is beach, anytime I want. Thank God.

As for work, there is some negotiating going on to extend my contract. My manager, Judith, if fighting like crazy to keep me here, which is really cool of her. I like working with her, we have a good flow together and are very similar in how we approach tech writing. The fact that there is even discussions with the upper management is a positive sign, but we’ll just have to wait. There is another meeting today to discuss options, it all comes down to the CEO though. My knee is really hurting and I really shouldn’t play basketball, but if next week turns out to be my last week here at Illumina (which it will be if they don’t extend my contract), then when will I get another chance to play basketball at work, up in the hills of San Diego with a slight ocean view? No ocean view today though, it’s complete overcast, May Gray as they call it here.

That’s curios about Pedros’s new cd Justin. He’s in SD next Saturday, maybe we’ll hit that. I laughed at some of your shorts ideas. I looked at a job in Austin just for fun the other day. I don’t know, for me to move from SD, I think it’s going to take a physical appearance by Jesus himself. Never say never I guess. We felt the same way about Love Actually. Ok, I command everyone to have a great Memorial Day weekend, wherever you are. Adios and Vios Con Dios!

As Tracey mentioned, when you click on certain blog links on different people’s blogs, the page is not coming up. The reason for this is because the web address for blogs should not include “www. “ before them. For example, my blog address is http://marr.blogspot.com. Some of you have my link set up as http://www.marr.blogspot.com, which is incorrect. Sometimes the link does work even with the www at the beginning. Take out the www and the link should work. Two other things:

1. I bought a milkshake from Burger King yesterday and, with tax, it cost me $2.14
2. I played basketball again at work yesterday, and in a true, wild animal California way, a rattle snake came on the court to disrupt play.

I posted another blog earlier today below.

How can you have everything you want, live your dream and not be truly content? The lack of the eternal focus and selfishness. I fear that we humans prefer the current and instant pleasures of life than for a rewarding afterlife, or even a truly rewarding current life. Where is this coming from? Well, to be honest, as cheesy as it sounds, every time I hear the song “Meant to Live” by Switchfoot, the song provokes these types of quizzical thoughts within me (not to mention that it’s a pretty rockin song). Since Switchfoot is from SD, I hear the song all the time and it propels me to deep thinking. I am struggling to move out of my dream phase of living here to finding what the true purpose of me being here may be. I am very good at living in denial, ask my wife. I unfortunately find it all too easy to just put something out of my mind and remain content and unfazed, for a season at least. I think, “Why try to find a purpose or true contentment when I’m happy at the moment?” The problem with denial is that when you bury something deep down, it begins to grow and grow until you have to face it. My point with denial is that for my almost two years of a dream life in SD, I’ve just wanted to live life free and clear of any kind of personal responsibility to anything, to God, to my wife, to family, friends. I’ve just wanted to live to truly please myself. I deserve to live in SD, I deserve to live by the ocean, I deserve to own a house, I deserve to surf, I deserve to buy music all the time, I deserve to eat out all the time, I deserve to go to shows, I deserve to feel superior, I deserve to do whatever I want whenever I want. That is me. Obviously I love God, my wife, family, friends, etc. But not at the expense of my own self. Why do I deserve all those things I just mentioned? I really don’t, that’s why. I sometimes I feel that I’m on borrowed time here, that I have to get and grab and live as much as I can, while I can, because it could end at any moment. But that’s not right sometimes. That’s where the self comes in to wreak havoc. What’s wrong with me? Nothing really, nothing that everyone else doesn’t face everyday themselves.

“The good I want to do, I don’t do. The evil I don’t want to do, that I do.”

Where does the balance come into all of this? Good question. I’m 29 years old. I’ve been living from one extreme to the other since I was 16, maybe 18. Maybe this whole thing is about finally finding the center of life, I hope so. I’m tired of it all. In the end, thank God I have a great wife, family and friends, anything else is gravy. Reading back over this blog, I’m not sure if it really makes sense at all. I think I just had to write that out, whether it did or not, just to get it out, out of my mind. I think maybe because it’s of public record, so to speak, that I’ll have to truly deal with it in some manner. Thanks for indulging me on this personal journey this morning.

I have a challenging week ahead of me. I have to keep my mind busy enough to not think about how I’ll be spending 3 days on a private beach in Mexico. Everyone seems to be getting new looks to their blogs, may be time for me to upgrade. As usual, the weekend went way too fast. I went to a BBQ/Pool party in East SD on Saturday. That was fun. Spent most of the rest of the weekend being lazy and playing guitar. I also enjoyed the Lakers loss. I spoke with many people this weekend, my parents, my gramps, HarrCore and I think I’m forgetting someone. Anyway, long live waffle ball.