9-11-03
Two years ago today I was in Cosmos, in BG, in the morning before I went off to teach at BGSU. Ryan (Tracey’s brother) had stayed with us the night before and had gone to an Indians game the day before with my family. We had some beverages, talked, and laughed, then heading out the door. As we were walking out, some women walked in and said that someone had just flown a plane into one of the World Trade Center Towers. Right away, I didn’t get it. I thought, that’s weird, but kind of shrugged it off. It was like hearing about some plane crash or some bad accident somewhere else in the world. I just thought, oh, some idiot in his little Cessna plane lost control or something and killed himself, maybe a few others when he crashed into the building, no big deal, right? Well, that morning I first had to go tutor at the Writer’s Lab. When I got there, Debbie, the secretary had a TV on and I saw the famous footage for the first time, and my heart sank. I was in shock, like everyone else, I could not believe it, how could this happen? As the morning progressed, more news came, another plane crashed in Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon also had it’s own incident. I couldn’t take my eyes off the TV all day. I don’t think I did any tutoring that morning, and I don’t even remember teaching that day at all. We had tickets to see Jimmy Eat World that night in Detroit. Selfishly I was hoping they would not cancel the concert, cause I could have used a night rockin out and feeling good to get my mind off the day’s events, but they did cancel the show, as they should have, due to safety concerns. I think we spent the night at my parents, watching all the news channels to get more details.
That day, much like most people in this country, is a mark in the sand for me. For some, it was a declaration of war against terrorism, which is good. That day was an attack on our way of life in America. The way we live, or things we have done, as a country in the past, have apparently upset others enough to the point of mass killing of innocent people. I personally took that day as an attack on my dreams. My dreams of getting a real job and moving to San Diego. The economy was already bad before 9/11. My job prospects at the time were already not very good. 9/11 made things worse. That’s the day that I really started to worry and stress, about everything. My whole life I wanted to live in SD, and I had finally felt close to that goal, only to feel that it was going to be shattered. Every night after 9/11 I had trouble sleeping because I would think too much and worry about my future. Sometime in January of 2002, I was sitting at our computer, late at night, cause I couldn’t sleep, and I felt me heart do something weird. I was short of breath and light headed. From that night on, almost every night for most of that year, I began to have weird heart issues at night. It would skip beats, speed up, slow down, and mostly, it would keep me up late, cause when I layed down to sleep, my heart would act up . Most nights I was getting like 3 or 4 hours of sleep at most. At night I would lay in bed and think I was going to die, it sucked. I thought that at any moment, my heart was just going to stop, and that would be it. I would lay in bed, reviewing my life, thinking of all the things I hadn’t gotten to do yet (like move to SD, or have kids, surf) and just freak myself out. After this happening for awhile, I finally got some tests done on my heart, and evens spent one night in the emergency room (which turned out to be a waste). After many tests, the cardiologist said there was nothing physically wrong with my heart. I said my normal heart rate was a little low, but that some people are just like that, and that my issues were most likely stress related. UGHHH! I hate that, stress? Was I that stressed over things? Guess so. I was relieved to know that my heart was in good order, but that did not take away my issues. Eventually, we got to move to SD, I got a job, and life has been pretty good lately, without any heart issues. So I guess it was stress. It was quite a lesson to learn, to see the power of stress and worry. So why did 9/11 have to happen? I don’t know. Why did God allow that? Only he knows for sure. But I think our country obviously needs to change. I don’t get into politics much, but I think we need to fight terrorism, definitely, but we also need to look at ourselves as a country and see why everyone in the world hates us, that’s just weird. Are we too stuck up as the greatest nation in the world? Are the rest of the world jealous cause it only took us only 200 odd years to accomplish that goal? I don’t know. I don’t have answers. Why did I share this whole story? Partly to remember that fateful day, and pay respects to those lost on that day, and also to say (cliché live life to the fullest line on the way) we need to enjoy each day as it is. Before the events of the past two years, I couldn’t really do that effectively. Now I thank God everyday that I am alive and blessed enough to have a great wife, job, family and place to live. I’m not deserving, but here I am, enjoying. What can you say? My heart and prayers go out to the families of people who lost on that day. Pray God never lets that happen again, although it feels like it will. In memory.
Ok, that was emo. On to a few other things. As for maybe late bball Dad, I’m cool with whatever. It’d fun to have Dustin there, but as long as we have enough. Still not sure if we should, breadsticks are a priority. Will people be playing there anyway, being Thursday night? Albeit a little unfortunate now, I want to congratulate Terry and Mike on their wedding anniversary today, even thought they won’t read this. Good to finally hear from you Ryan, have fun with all that golf. I still can’t get Rome in. Hope everyone has a nice day, thanks for reading.
